Not sure if it is stress or lifestyle or genetics... but my blood pressure was so high yesterday morning (after a night of binge eating all the salt I could stand)... that i was dizzy and sick to my stomach.
Have I been under some stress?
Yes. Isn't everyone?
Could my lifestyle decisions be better?
Yes. I could eat ALOT better.
Could it be genetics?
yeahhhh... but nahhhhhhhhhhhhh...
AND, as if life wasn't already hard enough, my oldest sent me the most awful scathing message out of nowhere. He tore me apart.... completely hates me and was not specific about why.... called me a bunch of names and gave no examples of my behaviour... just flat out name calling.
Was my mother awful? yes.
But, ...... do i have examples proving my point? yes.
He has nothing but anger. I immediately blocked my son from messaging me again and then sent the message to his father. His father was unhappy with the message sent to me and agreed that it was completely out of line and uncalled for... and wrong... he was just as baffled as me.
My kids aren't kids anymore. My two oldest are adults. Life has yet to even begin to kick them... kick them harder than they can even imagine. I would hope they would watch the videos or look at the photos of how I documented and remember their lives. They had amazing childhoods. I wasn't a perfect mother but I certainly wasn't that bad...
I have no idea what on earth my oldest is remembering. But I only have fond memories of him. No big fights. He was a joy as a child. I took him on lots of adventures. Camping, swimming, surfing, rock-climbing, judo, gymnastics, baseball, soccer, .... we did everything.... but...
now....it is......... what it is........
He hates me and I have high blood pressure ... all I can do is be here, with a new diet and exercise plan and a machine that i can check my blood pressure at home because ill be damned if i am gonna take some blood pressure pills... at 47....
No comments:
Post a Comment